Sans Culottes
by Jiia-chan
Summary: Subtitled Knickers. A deranged rambling inspired by a social class in which many things were discussed. Involves Chase in his catholic school uniform. And knickers. Don't forget the knickers. Rated for possible future yaoi. ON HAITUS
1. Chapter 1

_Hey everyone! Tis me, Jiia! This is my first House fic, so be kind. Anyways, this was inspired by a certain social class, during which we discussed many things such as Chase in his catholic school uniform and the term sans culottes, which in old french meant a peasant, but now means to be without underwear. Enjoy. _

San Culottes

"Look, everybody! I found Robbie's secret diary!" House whirled around, swivelling about his cane with surprising agility.

"Give it back!" Chase jumped up, trying to snatch the thin black book from House's hands.

"Why? Afraid I'll find out about your secret crush?" He turned to the wombat, electric eyes sparkling. "It's Foreman, isn't it? I knew it!"

"What now?" Foreman blinked, shutting the door behind him. "I heard my name."

"House is being a juvenile ass again." Chase groaned, making yet another attempt to snatch the book back.

House gasped, looking at Chase in mock shock. "You said a bad word! I'm gonna tell Mommy!"

Foreman rolled his eyes, taking his customary seat at the clear glass table.

" So, do we have a case today?" He asked, obviously contemplating the ethics of snapping a nearby book closed above the sleeping Cameron's head.

House shot him a look, absently moving the book back out of Chase's reach.

"If we had a case, do you really think I'd be letting Cameron nap on the conference table? Myself, maybe, but any of you guys? Hell no." He turned back to the furious wombat, who had finally given up and stalked over to his own chair. "What's in this thing anyway? It isn't actually your diary, is it?"

"No." Chase grumbled, searching through his various pockets for a book of crosswords and a pencil. "It's my high school yearbook."

"Just like that? You're not gonna let me pester you?" House made a face that was obviously supposed to resemble a kicked puppy.

Before Chase could answer, he flipped open the gold-embossed tome to a random page.

"Hey Wombat, who's Vincent Perez, and why does he have hearts drawn all over him?" House looked up, blinking innocently.

Of course, Chase flushed, although it wasn't entirely clear whether it was because of the implications of that or the fact that those implications were true.

"He does not have hearts drawn all over him." Chase mumbled under his breath, refusing to meet the curious gaze of any of the two conscious people in the room.

"Well," House began, speaking slowly. " Here's his picture, and here are the heart-shaped pen marks someone wrote all over it." He held the book up, indicating the picture in the middle of the page. There were indeed hearts drawn upon it, in bright pink gel-pen. "Since this is your yearbook, I would assume that someone is you. Would I be correct in this assumption?"

Chase cleared his throat, crossing his arms over his chest.

"That's what I hated most about Catholic school. There weren't any girls."

Foreman looked at him with raised eyebrows. He slowly leaned away.

"You're queer?"

"Now, Foreman, that's inappropriate. This is a HOSPITAL! We need to be politically correct. The term is 'homosexual'." House smirked. "Are you a homosexual, Chase? Don't worry, no one will think any less of you." He paused. "Well, me and Foreman might, but you'll always have Cameron."

"It's Lupus!" Cameron shot up, sitting up so fast she knocked the afore mentioned nearby book off the table with a thump that startled people in the oncology ward.

"Holy…" Foreman picked himself up off the floor. "Don't do that!"

House slowly pushed himself away from the glass window he had stumbled into, his hand pressed against his chest.

"Yes… Please don't…"

Cameron flushed.

"Sorry… I was having the weirdest dream." She shook her head, rubbing the sleep from her bleary blue eyes.

"Normally, I'd ask, but judging by your choice of wake-up exclamation, I really don't want to know." He shuddered. Lupus was not a fun thing.

"I'm not." Chase muttered, taking the opportunity to snatch is yearbook back.

House stared at him, a blank expression on his face.

"You're not what? What were we talking about before Cameron took a few decades off my life span?"

Apparently realizing that he really shouldn't have said anything, Chase sunk deeper into his seat, mumbling something from behind his curtain of soft blond hair.

"What was that? I didn't hear you." House leaned in closer, putting his hand to his ear.

"I'm not gay!" Chase shouted, causing House to topple backwards into the whiteboard.

With a single scathing glance at the startled Foreman, the Australian stormed off, his hands shoved in his pockets.

_Chapter two- The uniform of DOOOOM!_


	2. Chapter 2

The long-awaited second chapter.

"Not a chance in hell." Chase said, his smooth aussie voice entirely expressionless.

"Pwease?" House begged, clasping his long fingers beneath his chin. "For me?"

"No." Chase snapped, angrily flicking an innocent piece of hair out of his face.

"What are you trying to extort Chase into doing?" Wilson asked, closing the door to House's office. "It's not something dirty, is it? Because if it is, I really don't want to know."

"Come on, Wilson. Get your mind out of the gutter already." House smirked.

"He's trying to get me to come to work in my high school uniform." Chase whined, pouting ever so slightly.

"I see no problem with this." House blinked. "It's a catholic school uniform, right? It's not like I'm telling you to come to work in a dress." He scoffed, then paused, as if severely tempted by the thought.

"No." Cuttie snapped, poking her head through the door. "Whatever it is your planning, don't do it."

Watching her depart, House looked genuinely confused.

"How did she…?" He looked up at Wilson.

"You had a look." Wilson deadpanned. "You always get a look. That's the only way any of us ever know to prepare for something. That and a complex system of walkie-talkies."

"For one thing, the uniform fit me more than a decade ago. I've done a bit of growing since." Chase cut in.

House wiggled his eyebrows at him.

"That's part of the allure."

"You're sick." Chase shook his head, making for the door.

He found himself suddenly involved in an extremely intimate relationship with House's cane. Chase assumed he'd been trying to smack either his stomach or his leg and had somehow ended up hitting him exactly in between.  
As Chase crumpled into a whimpering ball of agony and intense hatred, House watched him with that particular maniacal glare he got when he inflicted supreme pain upon people.

"Come on, Chase! It'll be fun! You'll be in a smelly, ill-fitting uniform, we'll all laugh at you… Ok, so maybe you won't have fun, but the rest of us will. And besides, if you don't do it, I make sure everyone makes the connection between the heart-covered posters of Vincent Perez covering the walls and you."

Wilson had never seen the wombat move so fast.

"That was cruel, even for you." Wilson shook his head, watching Chase's white coat tails disappear around a corner.

"Come on, Jimmy. Chase in a uniform! How is that not sexy?" House winked at him, grinning from ear to ear.

"It's not sexy if it's covered in your brain matter." Wilson sighed.

"He wouldn't get that mad. Not over something as trivial as this."

From somewhere, deep in the dark bowels of the hospital, they heard a wombat scream.

House winced.

"Ok… Maybe he would…"

As much as I love this fanfiction, I probably'l have to put this on haitus for now. I'll get back to it after I finish What A Kiss Is, my POTC fic. Send me reviews and I'll update faster. In fact, if I get... how bout ten reviews telling me to update, then I'll write the next chapter right away? That soudn fair? Anyways, enjoy. I'll talk to all yall later.

Jiia


	3. Chapter 3

Giggle, said Cameron.

Chuckle, said Forman.

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph, there really is a God." Said House.

Chase groaned and pulled his shirt down for the hundredth time since making it the twenty feet from the elevator to the office.

The white cotton shirt was only a little bit tighter than he remembered it. The selves were fine, a little loose if they were anything at all. The collar didn't do up any more, but that was fine. The navy tie was bad enough as it was. The matching navy jacket that had hung off his scrawny frame had 'shrunk' to fit perfectly, still the same brushed velvet it had always been. A couple of shimmering gold threads had worked themselves loose from the coat of arms embroidered on the chest, but other wise it was in mint condition.

It was the pants which bothered him most. They had gone from being loose, comfortable belt trousers to hip-hugging low risers. They'd snuck up on him that morning, pretending they were the same old pants he'd trusted his fragile teenage ego to for years, right up until the moment he did them up, at which point they had revealed themselves to be the treasonous beasts they were.

"Yeah, and he's one cruel son of a bitch." He grumbled, trying not to turn completely scarlet and failing miserably.

"Come on, Chase!" House whistled quietly. "You have to admit, those pants are a gift."

"More like a curse." Chase pulled the shirt down again, struggling to make it cover the sliver of pale flesh that kept appearing between it and the treacherous pants. "I don't have a clue how I'm going to get the damn things off."

As soon as the words left his mouth, he realized what he was saying and whom he was saying it in front of. If the others could hear the words tumbling over themselves in his head, they would have been shocked.

House's hand shot into the air.

"Who volunteers to help Chase take off his pants?!?!"

* * *

_All right... This is just a random little chapter to let you know that I am still alive and haven't forgotten about this story, and will indeed continue to write it. Sporadically. The more reviews, the better. I keep forgetting that I haven't finished this yet and reviews would do wonders to remind me. And before you ask, I have no intention of turning this into House/Chase. Or any pairing whatsoever actually. This is purely for entertainment value. And you've got to admit, this is certainly entertaining. Anyways... I have officially drawn a horrible picture of Chase in his uniform, and will probably post it on my Deviant Art account. Check my Profile.  
_


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